Saturday, September 10, 2011
I basked in the afternoon sun, drinking in the rich sea air and the melodic sound of the waves lapping along the shores. The clouds drifted lazily by, constantly covering the playful sun. The garden leaves giggled with delight, tickled by the breeze of the wind. I sat at the edge of the rocky paseo waiting for the next wave to hit, anticipating the wonderful spray of the seawater - like kisses on my skin.
He sat next to me watching me getting entertained like a 4-year old by the tiny crabs scuttling around. "I like crabs," I said. He smiled and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, "I like you," he replied. I felt his stare, the air, the sea, the hard rocks beneath me, but not his words. He's so sincere, so full of it. It's unbiased. But I have nothing to express.
He leaned in and planted a light kiss on my lips. It was polite and genuine, but I couldn't reply. I felt bad at not returning the favor. I leaned in and gave him a real kiss. We shared that moment for a while, just a little while. All I could see was his long eyelashes, the perfect bridge of his nose, and the small scar on his left eyebrow. I felt worse than when I not responded earlier. I gave him something I really wanted, but not something beneficial to him.
The cages of my heart threatened to collapse. But my heart grew numb to my depression. I could no longer feel how to love or to be loved. My heart cannot reciprocate anymore.
I broke our exchange, smiled and resumed my appreciation of nature around me. I long to feel once again. If it's something I can share to someone special then I hope it to be this gesture - a kiss - but one that comes from within my true feelings.
My heart now is like a shell - lovely, strong, carried by the voyage of destiny, surrounded by life and beauty; but also empty and hollow. Someone find me, I'm by the sea, sitting along the shores, waiting to be picked up. Someone find something in me, I'm being carried away again, it goes this way frequently, the water rushes to sweep me from you. Won't you please find me, make me feel treasured? Not beached and ignored? Make me feel love, make me grow love.
I want to be kept by your sincerity.