Always never was

I know I'm unpopular. I know I'm not one of those girls whose name you would hear whispered from the last section. I know I'm just lead and that I'm probably miles away from turning into gold or whatever. I'm entrapped in the body of a person who longs to be that other girl. I'm just another human, and I am also a nobody in other peoples' eyes.

Nevertheless, I'm someone in my own ways. I can still do stuffs like many others. I can dream big and aim so high that falling short is almost out of the question. I'm this person who does not wish to have a talent that could impress the crowd, rather, I'd have a skill that could reach out to the inner soul and maybe touch a nerve or two. 

I dance with reality and the essence it gives off. I think a lot and wonder why being a nobody could save you. Maybe it's because you can sometimes keep to yourself and no one would mind you acting and behaving the way you do.

I may not have a lot of friends, but I have enough. I may not have enough brains to bring me to the top, but I have enough to survive. I may not have awesome clothes and a delicious sense of style, but I have enough to keep me comfortable and presentable. I may not be thrifty to save up for something that I want, but I know well enough to keep a 5-peso coin everyday to save up for the time when I could buy a new frame for my glasses, 10-pesos for a new book, and maybe 20-pesos a week for a DSLR Nikkor lens I could gift myself with. I don't save up for clothes, for dates, for shoes (God, shoes), and for fast- or resto-food.

I don't do anything that could incline people towards me. I'm not so smart, I'm not so tough, I'm not so pretty or just all that. I'm just me, another person out there who says "I'm me." I get jealous, I yearn, and I know I can't do anything about it. I know that deep inside I'm content. Reality gives me this - and I know well enough not to complain.

Right now I sit in front of a mirror, glancing from every angle to see if anything's changed. I take a camera and give out my best smile. I count my blessings and the wonderful things that brought happiness in me and that even built this silly grin. I lost count in my head because you're supposed to freeze on three. The shutter sound goes off and I blink away dancing lights. I look at the photo and think how unpopular I still am.

I was still smiling when I said to myself, "Always never was."